today is a good day to live in australia

the outfit i have planned for tonight

the weather report for tonight

and on a slightly related note. diamond strength my ass.

i am rather smelly right now

why can't i find a self tanning lotion that doesn't make me smell like a 13 yr old boy's stale gym sock?

for those of you who are on a computer all day

here is a fun free game site where you either play a bingo style game or spin a lottery wheel to collect points that you can redeem for giftcards. i keep it on in the background while i do my other work.

here is the link - have fun!

resolutions

new years resolutions. cliche? yes. high expectations? yes. something i do anyway? yup.

1) lose 20 pounds by may 1st. my brother is getting married in june and i really want to feel comfortable in my bridesmaid dress. i plan to do this by adding more fruits and veggies into my diet,cutting out processed foods and dairy, eating organic, and exercising more frequently. 5 pounds a month should be doable if i don't lose sight of the goal.

2) be 90% vegan by this time next year. i have been researching the vegan lifesytle over the past few months and have found that i really agree with it. i'm not a huge meat eater to begin with, so i don't think that will be a problem. but i do like my cheese. i have already been experimenting with vegan products and recipies and have found them to be SO healthy and tasty.

3) letting go of perfection. i have always procrastinated doing something because i couldn't do it perfectly. it's a crutch. and a lame one. it's better to try my best at something and enjoy the process instead of being obsessed with the end result.

4) take my dogs on more walks. now that burton can't go to the dogpark, i need to make sure that they both get their exercise. i owe it to them, even if it's just a quick walk around the block. i want this to eventually be a daily ritual.

5) pay down my debt. i will be getting another waitressing job after the new year and all the money i make will go to paying off my credit cards. i am at the start of a downward spiral and if i don't do something soon, i will be screwed when i'm older. i'm also going to save money by getting back into my couponing habit, trying to buy only the necessities, going to the library instead of buying books or renting movies, and not using the credit cards.

i think that's probably enough to keep me busy in 2008. i've already started working on everything except dog walking over the last few months, so it shouldn't be a sharp transition. and if i can let my perfectionism go out the window, i should be able to keep plodding on even if i slip up.

deep breath

while driving along 1-70 with my mom the other day.

KATIE! Watch your speed!

i'm only going 65

you're going 70! and the speed limit is 55!

mom. i'm fine. i'm keeping up with traffic*

well that doesn't matter - you're still going above the speed limit. look, you're going faster than that person there (points out slow ass grandma car in right lane). you're going to get another ticket.

mom, the only time i get tickets is with the photo radar in a school zone.** besides, it's going to be 65 in a few miles.***

she had a death grip on the seat until we reached our destination, driving 70 the whole way. being a grown-up is fun.

*which was actually true and i think that's the safest way to drive
**also true
***again, true.

bone machine

today at my favorite grocery store, sunflower market, i purchased a bunch of ingredients to make 5 vegan casserole and/or crock pot delights. this is my first actual foray into the vegan lifestyle, which i was convinced was probably the way to go when i read "skinny bitch".

there is a mushroom "tuna" (how chickpeas can substitute for tuna i have no idea) casserole in the oven. i will let you know how it turns out.

i also purchased 2 ~8" ham bones for the puppers. they each received a bone at approximately 5pm. it is now 6:03pm, and while kitsu has been chewing on her bone at an appropriate rate as pictured below..

burton somehow misunderstood the assignment.

i took it away from him as soon as i realized what he did - i don't think that it's good for him to have eaten the bone. hopefully it will pass without incident - the last thing i need it another trip to the vet. :(

this is why i keep procrastinating

i got a 95% on the final project for my class this semester.

the one we were supposed to work on every week through the semester so that it didn't become too overwhelming.

the one that i knocked out the weekend before it was due.

the one i turned in thinking it wasn't quite complete, but was probably good enough.

is grading too easy in this program? or am i just a rock star?

i choose the latter.

you are a target market

i am a product of consumerism and it disgusts me. i was thinking about this today when i was going through all my email and it was advertisement after advertisment for christmas presents and gift cards. this post was originally going to be about how silly it is that every company thinks that their product is the best christmas present and a rant against christmas spending.. but then i thought.. wait a minute, i am totally guilty of this too. probably not nearly to the extent of other americans - but it's there, and not just around christmas time either.

i have gone into debt buying new furniture and clothes and a car and god knows what else. hell, i had to get a second job to pay for it. i get on my high horse about the marketing and gluttony and materialism, but although i try to support local business more than chains and try to buy most things on sale, i still find myself spending $100 at target on things i don't really need. or buy new clothes even though i have a ton in my closet because i was influenced by an episode of "what not to wear". i feel a bit hypocritical.

there is a healthy balance that i just need to find. i think i've been close to it, actually, since realizing that i need to save money. it's all about distinguishing what you want from what you need. this is a hard thing to distinguish when you are bombarded with ads and commercials convincing you that their product is all you need to be happy.

i want to live this perfect, healthy lifestyle - be in control of my finances, not put crap into my body, pollute less.. but it's really, really difficult for me to do right now. and it all boils down to how many (or how few) $$$ i have in my pocket.

i blew off a date tonight

we were supposed to meet for tapas and drinks at 8 tonight. around 4 pm, i decided i didn't really feel like going out tonight and didn't think i could muster the pre-requisite First Date Enthusiasm.

i have exchanged a few emails with this guy and he seems nice enough, but i just haven't gotten excited about the pictures he sent me. and there was nothing in the emails that made me particularly intrigued. honestly, i was just giving him a chance because my friend jess told me i should maybe think about taking more chances on guys that may not fit my ideal. just give them a shot, she said, if anything, at least you'll get a free dinner.

but after suffering through my last "just give them a shot" guy on saturday, i am a little gun shy.

so i sent him a text asking for a raincheck and apologized. at first i had the best intentions to actually cash it in.. and then i decided to myspace him. you know, just to see if there were any other pictures that made me a little more excited.

when i scrolled down the profile, i realized that i had probably just saved myself from sitting through another bad date.

height: 5'4"

that would explain the line in his email "..and i really dig short girls!"

i am 5'3" and i am short for a girl. and although i have lowered my height requirement down from the standard 6', to "at least a couple inches taller than me when i'm in heels", 5'4" just doesn't cut it.

i know this is shallow, but i also know that i will not be attracted to him. especially since there wasn't really a mental connection there in the first place.

so i figure i did us both a favor. i saved him some money and i saved me some time.

and i've decided that i want to go back to my old style of dating - only go out with someone if i am excited about them, not just for the sake of going out. i would rather spend the night at home than out somewhere trying to make conversation with someone i'm not into.

besides, 24phd came over last night and we made out like teenagers - so there.

creepy craigslist personal ads

just a few i came across today.. are these people for real??

these are from the M4W section in denver.

Have You Ever Been To An XXX Theater? - 51
This has been a fantasy of mine and I think it would be pleasant to meet a lady who was comfortable enough with the subject to actually look at this as an enjoyable experience. Sorry is that offends you but I think one should do everything in life that intrigues us.What do you think?
I've been told that I am handsome, distinguished, communicative and sometimes erotic. Let's do this if you are the woman who is going to go with me.

eew. on a FIRST date? hmm.. wants to go to an XXX movie theater (do those even still exist?) yet is only "sometimes" erotic.


420-Booze-Food-Nice Place, all I need is you - 35
Let' meet at my place
Sex will be optional and up to you
I am a nice white guy
Divorced, no kids, sexy

apparently all i need are no standards.

Personal Priorities
I need 1 woman to love.

well, i guess he could be asking for 2 women.

WTG? - 43
This cant be that hard. Iam looking to meet outgoing, headstrong women that dont have ex-issues. Will send pic for pic. I could write a book on what i like in women, but just no time to be online.

WTF is WTG? guess who he just broke up with. a shy, passive woman with "ex-issues".

Married and lonely for the holidays - m4w - 40
I AM A MARRIED BLACK MALE with children. My marriege has been over for a long time. Why do I stay? because I have kids that I can not leave and financial reasons. Therefore I am looking for a women that can relate and may be in the same situation. I want to be with someone that needs intimacy, and a great listner. Also note, I give great hugs and massages. I consider my self a helpless romantic. I love to travel, eat good food, and drink Red Wine. Also note, I am not looking for a one night encounter. However I do LOVE TO EAT PUSSY so if you want to get licked right get with me. PLEASE NOTE I AM NOT DESPERATE I DON'T WANT TO JOIN SOMEONE'S CHAT LINE OR A DATING SITE SO PLEASE DON'T EMAIL THOSE LINKS. NO GAMES PLEASE.

"may be" his "marriege" has been over because his wife disagrees that he "licks right".  please note that he is not desperate.

man seeking much older women - 29
im 29 6ft 200lbs. very attractive(really), nice body. Im not a freak. Just a normal sensitive, funny, laidback guy. I really want to please a older women between 50-70. Ill lick you, rub you, ad have sex with you. Just a one or three time thing. Nothing serious, just fun. Come on I know women still want it at that age. Dont be shy drop me a line. Maybe we can have a nooner today!

oh no, you're not a freak (really).

and this is why i no longer look for dates on craigslist.

i always have the best intentions

i'm trying to get a kick start on my new years resolutions, which include going to the gym 5 days a week. i used to do it and loved it. i thought once i started working from home, it would be easier to go to the gym because i could, you know, go any time i wanted.

today i had a dentist appointment at 9 am. the dentist is really close to my gym. so last night i had the plan of getting up early and going to the gym before the dentist. i ended up waking up late, so that didn't happen.

and here is how the rest of my thought pattern went:

ok, i'll go to the gym after the dentist. but i can't wear my gym clothes to the dentist.. it's in cherry creek. they'll think i'm a slob. maybe i can take my clothes with me and change into them there. but i don't know where my gym bag is and i don't have any other cute bags to tote them in. plus i can't remember the combination to my lock. crap. if i go after the dentist i won't be home all morning. it will take from 9-10 at the dentist, then i won't probably be ready to work out until 10:30. an hour workout and it's 11:30 already. and i'll probably want to stop at target since it's right next door. but what is my clients call this morning and i'm not available?

and then the skinny bitch voice inside of me (who i've been trying to make appear more often) said "GET YOUR FAT ASS TO THE GYM AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES!".

so i packed my gym clothes in my messenger bag and set off to the dentist with the full intent of working out afterwards.

when i was checking out at the dentist, i got a call from my best friend that lives in california. we've known each other since we were 5. she said "hey... what are you doing today?" and told me that she was stuck at DIA for the day. she was supposed to have a 30 minute layover, but her flight out was cancelled and she's in denver until tomorrow morning. so of course i skipped the gym to go pick her up from the airport.

so i always seem to start out with the best intentions and then life happens.

tomorrow, i WILL make it to the gym!

it's big, but not THAT big

so this chilly sunday night, i'm sitting in my big comfy chair catching up on my blog reading, with a bowl of hamburger helper (lasagna flavor*), watching really bad celebrity tv on VH1.

i had a better night planned, i swear. movie night. 2nd date with the boy, who shall now be named 24phd** who didn't even flinch when we ran into my ex friday night. movie night was his idea, even. and i don't think it's because he's lazy. but this afternoon i received a text from 24phd saying that his boss needs him to work on a grant that is due tomorrow and he's so sorry but he has to go to the lab and can't do movie night.

no biggie. at least i didn't have to clean the house. and we've rescheduled for tomorrow.

at any rate, there is about a foot of space between me and the edge of my big comfy chair. a foot of space that my 85 pound malamute has deluded himself into thinking he can fit into. every time i'm in the chair. i get the paw first.. and the look like "hi mom, whatcha doing? what? i'm just standing here!". then the second paw.. and the third and fourth. so he's standing in the foot of space facing the back of the chair. but he can't just lay down in that position. no, burton likes to be facing the tv, of course. so he turns, sticking his big ass right in my face and tries to lay down sideways, as in across my lap. this doesn't work so well when i also have a computer in my lap (and his ass has automatically sent a few emails before they were ready and shut down a few programs unsaved). so i push him over and he gives me an exasperated sigh and a look that says "will you please move so that i will be more comfortable?" and then kicks me trying to get his legs to fit in the space.

this has become an hourly ritual. because after about 15 minutes, he decides he needs a drink of water or has to go pee or needs to take a toy away from kitsu. then he comes back to resume the position. sometimes kitsu will feel left out and want to join the party too. she usually jumps up and sits on burtons head. i want to get a picture, but once they're in the chair, i'm pretty stuck.

it's nice in the winter though - at least the side of my legs stays warm.

and if you want to see a really cute video of a puppy that could be burton's twin, go here.

*made with almond milk because i'm trying to cut down on my dairy intake after reading "skinny bitch".
**who is of course, 24 yrs old (i like me some young ones!) AND 2 years away from a phd in a ridiculously difficult medical research field.

run in with the ex

so i'm out on a date last night at the rio, a mexican place with margs so strong that you're only allowed to order 3 of them. total.

this is a first date - someone i met online, of course, and things are going well. we're standing at the bar, and out of the corner of my eye, i see a side profile that looks VERY familiar. it took me a minute and then i realized it was my ex. yeah, the one i was accidently married to.

i didn't know if he had seen me. i hadn't seen him since last december. i had barely talked to him since last december. the last thing i wanted to do was have to make small talk with my date standing right there.

i quickly grab our coats and my purse and whisper "let's go upstairs, quickly, i'll explain in a minute". turning my back so that the ex doesn't see my face.

we get upstairs. i apologize for being about to commit the biggest faux pas one can do on a first date. "you aren't going to believe this. that guy standing next to you at the bar was my ex boyfriend. i haven't talked to him since december. we were married, technically. so i guess he's actually my ex husband. i am so embarrassed"

my date was so cool about it. score a point for him!

while we were chatting upstairs, my ex came upstairs and looked like he was looking for someone. did he see me? he HAD to have seen me. why wasn't he coming to talk to me if he'd seen me?

on my way out, we made eye contact. i acted surpried. "oh my god, i THOUGHT that was you! how have you been?!?". he introduced me to his new friends. i asked about the family. chatted for a couple minutes. gave him a hug and left.

my date was completely unfazed. we danced the rest of the night at another bar and had a wonderful time.

maybe i'll go out with this one again.

tag i'm it again

i was just tagged by one of my good friends and sorority sister, stacey.

If you have been tagged, please follow these rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

so here goes.

1. when i was 4, i pulled the fire alarm in preschool "just to see what happened". the firetrucks came and we all had to line up. i didn't tell my parents, but that night was parent-teacher conference night and the teacher asked them if i had told them what i did at school that day..

2. the tv i watch sometimes can be embarrassing. full house and sabrina the teenage witch reruns. mary kate and ashley movies. even some of the sitcoms on "teen nick". and then i am wistful about being a teenager and wish i was back at that point where life was so simple. then i snap out of it when i remember what high school was REALLY like.

3. i couldn't roll my r's if my life depended on it.

4. i only wash my hair every 2-3 days. it looks better that way. when i let it air dry, it's naturally wavy and now that it's long, i've realized how sexy that is. buh-bye flat iron, i'm going au natural!

5. i sing to my dogs and dance with them.

the following people are tagged:

aarwenn
erin
shannon

i would have had 5, but stacey already tagged me and laurel. i think i need more readers!

fired

i had never been fired before in my life, until today.

last night i got cut from my shift because i had a "bad attitude". i don't disagree with them, but i talked to the manager about the reasons behind my attitude (we were overstaffed and everyone was bored and not making any money. plus i felt that 2 people were being snappy with me and treating me unfairly - one of those being his wife). i told him that i was stressed with school at the moment and i would change my attitude and hang in there until we got busy again. problem solved, so i thought.

then i get a phone call today saying that he talked it over with his wife and they think it's best to terminate our relationship. WTF? i can't have ONE bad day? ONE bad day which i apologized for? it seems like they were looking for a reason to get rid of me and i'm not sure why. i have never had any other complaints and am one of the best servers they have. the only thing i can think of is that i don't quite fit in with the other staff (all 20 yr old college students that are stoned on the job half the time and like to goof around a lot). i also wasn't afraid to speak my mind when i didn't think things were going well and i don't think they liked that.

i am a little shocked but i'm trying to stay positive and hope it is for the better.

don't sit in my section

while doing some research for my final project this semester, i came across this disturbing, albeit entertaining blog entry. be sure to read the comments and her replies.

crazy restaurant customer

talk about having some control issues.

lady, here's the thing. you're expecting 5 star service from a 2 star restaurant. you think that just because most people like something, doesn't mean the server should assume YOU like it, and that the server is wasting their time and being inefficient. i think it's more inefficient to not make assumptions about the 99% of customers that would like a refill of the same drink they've been drinking.

and seriously, WHO orders 4 sides of ranch? if you were rude to me for not bringing you enough, i would probably bring out a soup bowl full and sweetly say "is this enough ranch for you ma'am?" so that you would at least look stupid in front of the other customers.

you also state that you don't care about the servers name or the specials. if you so obviously don't care about the server and the restaurant, then why should the server care about you? studies have shown that introducing yourself to the table and telling customers about the specials actually increases the tip percentage.

if i did everything you suggested, i would risk pissing off 99% of my other customers.

if you're so picky about everything, maybe you should stay home and cook your own goddamned food.

perpetual student

i just did the math and i have 8 more classes to take for my MBA. considering that my company only pays for 1 per semester (and that's about all i have time for!), i won't graduate until 2012!

i think i may have to reconsider this course of action.. and file for an extension.

top ten turn-offs on your online profile

10. a picture of your car/truck/motorcycle
at 30, i assume that any man i date would have a car or some means of transportation. you don't need to prove it to me before I even meet you. i also do not think that a crotch rocket or harley is sexy, especially if you feel the need to show it off.

9. the word "cuddle" or any variation thereof
this is just cheesy. let's assume that the majority of the people like to cuddle when they're dating. no need to state the obvious. you will probably just attract women who like cuddling more than sex - and then you'll bitch about it.

8. claiming to be into any kind of music. (except rap or country, of course)
this just tells me that you have no taste in music and all my nerdy band rambling will be met with a blank stare and then the statement "well, i really though nicklebacks last album was fantastic!"

7. referring to women as "ladies", or even worse, "ladys" or "lucky lady"
again, CHEESY.

6. raving about a chain restaurant
if you get that excited about the olive garden, i can guarantee that we will not get along.

5. stating your height/weight/hair color/eye color even when it's already listed on the profile
being so OBVIOUS makes you look retarded.

4. proclaiming how active you are "i like to run, mountain bike, row, ski, snowboard, hike, rock climb, swim, play volleyball, and do yoga. i want to meet a girl who can keep up with me".
Do these guys have any idea how many women there are in the world who are this active? Like 10. and i can guarantee that they are too busy to be looking for dates online.

3. complaining about all the places you can't meet women
most people online are there because they are too busy or haven't had luck meeting people at the normal places. you don't need to state it.

2. posting a picture that doesn't clearly show your face
a cute face is much much more important than a nice body. one of the differences between the sexes that will probably never change.

1. wanting your lady to "be comfortable in jeans or an evening gown"
other similar cliches include "i like going out, and also staying in"; "i like listening to music and watching movies". THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS. EVERYONE LIKES THESE THINGS. THEY DO NOT MAKE YOU UNIQUE.

root of all evil

liberty dollars stolen to protect money trust

"The colonies would gladly have borne the little tax on tea and other matters had it not been that England took away from the colonies their money, which created unemployment and dissatisfaction. The inability of the colonists to get power to issue their own money permanently out of the hands of George III and the international bankers was the PRIME reason for the Revolutionary War."
- Benjamin Franklin's autobiography

grounded

burton used to be so good at the dog park. he'd play with the other pups and there would be no problems.

then last year, i started noticing that he wasn't too fond of boxers. my friend's boxer and him got into it under the kitchen table last year during chrismas dinner. he would sometimes pick fights with other boxers at the dog park.

then one day the doggie day care called me and said that he had started a fight with a bulldog.

in the past few months, i can't take him to the dog park without there being an incident. the other dog is rarely the provoker.

i've talked with our trainer about this, and apparently we aren't to a level in the training that we can take care of it yet. plus it's hard to train because it doesn't happen every time with every dog. it's so unpredictable.

it's hard to come to terms with the fact that your sweet, adorable puppy may be a problem dog. i feel like i'm getting a reputation at the dog park. and that i'm very close to being banned. i'm embarrassed because i know people are talking about us. and they should be. burton has become the agressive dog.

i'm going to feel bad only taking kitsu to the dog park, but unless i can stop whatever is triggering burton, it's just too much of a liability to take him.

a mixed bag

i'm in salt lake city for work right now. utah. what an interesting state. if i didn't think a city run by a cult church was such a bad idea, i would love to live here.

pro: gorgeous scenery, great weather
con: everything is centered around a temple

pro: light traffic, wide streets
con: street naming convention drives me nuts. south 500 west what?

pro: lots of hot, young guys
con: they're already married with 3 kids

pro: friendly people
con: wholesome mormons

pro: cool downtown area, clean city
con: hard to find a happy hour

pro: microbreweries
con: state records my name if i order a drink. how weird is THAT?

pro: ski areas within 30 minutes of the city
con: hmmm.. no con for this one.

summary:
salt lake - an oasis if you're religious, rasing a family, and like the outdoors.
not ideal for singles, drinkers, and other sinners.

here's a tip

so i recently took on a second job because:
1) since the divorce, my living expenses have doubled and i've drained my safety cushion so i need more money
2) i was going out and spending way too much money on food and alcohol that my body doesn't need
3) i had too much free time on my hands and was getting lazy
4) if i want my dream of owning a record label to come true, i need to get my debt taken care of and start saving money NOW.

i found a server position with this cute little mom and pop restaurant not too far from my house. family run, great food, good neighborhood joint. i had been a server before in college and always liked it - the client interaction, the exercise, the atmosphere. in the misdt of my nostalgia, i forgot about the cheap customers, endless side work, and aching feet.

i want to start this rant by thanking all the friendly customers who know how to tip and don't run me ragged in the process. also, thank you to those that may run me around a lot, but realize you're doing so and make up for it in the tip. you are the minority, but please know that you are remembered and the level of service that you get each time you come in will only get better. i will remember your names, what kind of wine you like, that you don't care for croutons, and will allow you to order the salmon you love, even though it's not on the menu anymore.

now, for those of you that don't fall into the above category. i have no idea if you're cheap bastards or just clueless, but here is a brief overview of tipping ettiquite as well as some insight into the life of a server.

*anything between 10%-15% is NOT an acceptable tip. when you leave that amount, you are telling the server that they did a bad job. one rare exception - if you don't order any drinks or need a refill on your water, order one simple entree, eat and pay quickly and don't leave a mess, then 10%-15% is understandable, although still a little cheap.

*anything less than 10% is an INSULT. ESPECIALLY when you suck down your drinks like you're in the desert, requiring your server to fill them every 30 seconds, order appetizers, soup (which of course isn't hot enough and can i have more crackers?), salad (no onions, or croutons, extra tomatoes, extra dressing), an entree (with special requests), dessert, coffee (with frequent "warm ups"), sit there for 2 hours, and then tip $6 on a $90 ticket, all while telling me what a great job i am doing for you.

*I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE. I AM MAKING $2.50 AN HOUR AND DEPEND ON YOUR PROPER TIPS FOR MY WAGES. whoever thinks that servers should be paid by their employers need to realize that YES, that SHOULD be the way it is, but it ISN'T so please just deal with it. your food costs would be astronomical if the restaurant was paying it's servers $10-$15 an hour with paid vacation and sick leave and health insurance. when you go to a restaurant, social conventions state that you are agreeing to tip the appropriate amount. If you can't afford to spend at least %15 of your bill to pay your server for all the time she spent with you, then maybe you should order the proper amount of food that will fit into your budget, or not eat out at all.

*did you know that I have to report 8% of my total sales for tax purposes? did you know that i have to tip out the bartender 5% of my tips and the busser 10% of my tips? that $2 you left on a $25 ticket doesn't stretch so far then, does it?

*COUPONS. i love coupons - i use them all the time. HOWEVER, you should tip on the amount of the food BEFORE the coupon is subtracted. i am AMAZED at how many people don't understand this concept! just because you get 50% off of your dinner, does NOT mean that i worked 50% less to serve it to you.

*being old is no excuse for being cheap. there are plenty of old people who know how to tip well. a dollar does not go as far not as it did in yoru day, ma'am. and the sweet little smile and the way you say "and here's a little something extra for you, dear" does not make up for the fact that you tipped me 5%.

*if you're old and you call me sweetheart or dear or honey, i don't mind, really. i know i look young for my age, but i'm nearly 30 and being called "kiddo" by someone in my peer group (especially another woman) is a little insulting.

*please don't be condensending to me. here's a newsflash - most people in the serving industry are working it as their SECOND job. they are in school or an artist or starting their own business or just need a little extra cash. the majority are not stupid or uneducated or working there because they can't get another job. i have a chemical engineering degree, am working on my MBA, and am saving money to start up my own business - what have you done with your life? yeah, that's what i thought. amazing how people change their attitude towards me when they learn that i am actually a successful person.

*being "math-challenged" is not an excuse to leave a bad tip. it is actually very easy to approximate the tip. tax at my restaurant is 8.1%, so if you just take the tax amount and double it, that should be your minimum base. or, you can do what i do, which is take the amount of the ticket, round up to the nearest $5, take 10% and double it (so a $34.54 ticket would be - 10% of $35 = $3.50 x 2 = $7)

and here are some non-tip related tips to make our transaction run smoother.

*if you do have a god-blessed coupon, please present it to me sometime before i give you the bill.

*if you are ready for me to take your payment, please put the credit card in the slot of the folder and put it on the edge of the table so that i can see it. unfortunately, i don't have x-ray vision and if i don't see the credit card sticking out, i will assume that you are not ready to pay yet. if you're paying with cash and want change, let the bills stick out a little bit so i know they're in there.

*if you want a drink refill, please put your glass near the edge of the table so that i can see it better.

*if you are done eating and want me to clear your plate, please put your silverware on top of the plate and put the plate slightly to the side. then i know that you're not still "working on it".

i know it may not seem like it from this rant, but i am actually a very good server! i always have a smile on my face, i don't judge you when you walk in the door (unless you've been in before and i know you're a cheapskate), i keep your drinks refilled, i accomidate any kind of special requests you may have (luckily the chef likes me), and i try to read you to see if you like to joke around or just want to eat and leave. i truely appreciate all the great customers and love serving you guys. i just want to try to get the word out to the people that don't know any better, because it is really frusturating to know that you're doing a really good job and then not get adequately compensated. it seems like this is something that has been the bane of servers everywhere for years and years and years, and for those in the biz, it's something we have to deal with every day.

if you want to read more about the plight of waiters and waitresses everywhere, check out these sites:

stainedapron.com
bitterwaitress.com
waiterrant.blogspot.com

fashion police

i was in old navy today shopping for some cute tank tops to keep me cool at lollapalooza this weekend. they have this new style called a "trapeze" tank. on the hanger it looks really cute - and i thought it would be the perfect thing to cover up my love handles.

oh. my. god.

cover up my love handles it did.. but it also made me look 8 months pregnant and about 3 sizes bigger all over!

how ironic that the only person that can pull off a shirt like this is a person who has no need to hide any body flaws.

i have enough friends

which is why i've decided that boys i've dated/hooked up with/wanted to date are no longer going to be allowed inside my circle.

i used to think that it was better to have a guy i was into as a friend than not have him in my life at all. but lately i've realized all it does is drive me crazy. i've noticed that i treat them differently. if a purely platonic guy friend cancels plans with me or can't go out because he has a date, i don't care and think nothing of it. if a non-purely platonic friend does the same thing, i get irritated, sad, and annoyed at them and myself for letting them make me feel that way. having them around reminds me that they didn't want to date me and just makes me feel bad about myself, which is not good for my normally high self esteem. i can't ever get over them because they have a constant presence. and i have to deal with seeing them with other girls, which is pure torture.

so i've decided to hell with them. if they don't want to date me, then they don't get the privilege of being part of my life. is this selfish? probably. but i know that i don't handle jealousy well, and so that should be something that i should avoid bringing into my life.

the 4 worst words in our language

"let's just be friends"

i have a lot of guy friends. there's a reason for that.
most of them have uttered the 4 words above.

it all goes the same way.
kt, we need to talk about things.
followed by a sad smile.
my heart skips a beat, i think oh crap, and i know exactly what is coming.
you are an amazing girl
i love hanging out with you
you'll find the right guy for you
i really want to keep hanging out with you
i'm just not ready for a girlfriend right now

and i smile at them and tell them i understand and sure, we can be friends. and on the inside i'm thinking.. if i am such a f'ing cool girl, then why the hell don't you want to date me? what is wrong with me? we have fun together. we're attracted to each other. i don't smother you or get jealous or go crazy. your friends like me. i'm honest and caring and supportive and a fantastic girlfriend.

while my heart is being crushed, my head is telling me that it wouldn't have worked out anyway.. you weren't into them; you were worried about his lifestyle anyway; you knew it wasn't going where you wanted..

i'm used to my heart battling my head. i'm just not used to having it lose so often.

otra cerveza por favor

is what i hope to be saying approximately 27 hours from now.

i'm leaving for playa del carmen tomorrow to enjoy 6 debauchery-filled days and nights with 4 of my single girlfriends.

we're staying here.

all of us have packed enough clothes for a 3 month expedition.

i just hope we come back alive!

why does every guy in colorado snore?

is it the climate?

or is that why they're single?

so i've met an aboslutely so-adorable-i-almost-can't-stand-it boy that i like a lot. this one i met during every day circumstances - not through the internet or at a bar per my usual routinue. this comes with a whole different set of rules.

i'm trying to let him make the first moves because he's younger than me and i can be a little aggressive enthusiastic sometimes. don't want to scare the poor kid. and the first few weeks are the best anyway, so why rush it? i need to just sit back and have a little patience and enjoy. which paid off last night.

i was getting a little jaded about relationships for awhile. but now i remember how great dating is when you find someone you like and they actually like you back. it reminds me why there are millions of people out there in relationships.

ding ding ding.

and for now, i think the snoring is cute.

emotional rollercoaster

dating. when it's good it's fantastic, and when it's bad it's awful.

i liked this guy. he liked me. then i wasn't sure. and he wasn't sure. and we decided to just be friends, but maybe date down the road - play it by ear. and we're friends and all is good. so why do i have a pit in my stomach when i find out (not from him) that's he's in a relationship now. i shouldn't care. why do i care? did i like him more than i thought i did? too late now.

at the same time, i have a total crush on another guy. and i think he likes me back. it's at that stage right now where we've hung out a couple of times, nothing has been defined, but something is definitely there. i have the best time when i'm with him and when i'm not with him i think about him and all i can think about is when i'm going to see him again, which drives me nuts because i can't concentrate on anything else. i hate dwelling.

and i want off before i hurl.

this is why he's my best friend

my friend m is absolutely awesome. one of the many awesome things about him is that he housesits and watches burton for me when i'm out of town. they have a special bond.

yesterday i told him that i'm expecting a somewhat odd package. it's actually a package of live worms for this pet-poo worm composter that i just got. i asked him to put the worms in the garage so that they didn't get too hot before i got home, and if he felt up to it, he could even put them in the composter for me. very odd request, i know, but in true m fashion, he rolled with it.

so i get a call from him tonight.

"hey what's up.. so you got a package today. but it's not worms. it's a dog collar"

"what? a dog collar? i didn't order a dog collar...? what does it look like?"

"it's black."

"hmm. for a big dog or a small dog?"

"a big dog."

so i'm racking my brain trying to remember if i ordered a dog collar. and then it hit me.

he was describing the heart rate monitor that i had ordered.

and that's why i love him. he always keeps me laughing, even when it's not intentional!

bummer on the range

so i'm in casper, wy right now. i used to have to come up here about 4 times a year when i worked for ERM. it's kind of weird being up here and not having to go take samples from a hidden water well in a railyard.

the last time i was up here, i found one of the best secret shopping meccas ever. the gap clearance store. this wasn't just an outlet, this was where all the clearance merchandise from gap, banana republic, and old navy came to die. it was awesome. and has now been replaced by a ross.

sigh. i really needed some cheap khakis and tank tops for mexico and baby gifts.

bad date

"so, my buddy is going to pick me up since i can't drive. yeah.. i lost my license last year because of a dui. i get it back next week, but i'm totally broke because of all the fines that will be due then. it wouldn't have been so bad except that i hit this dude and so i have to pay all this restitution.. he lived and everything. the crazy thing is that i didn't even KNOW i hit someone until the cops pulled me over about 15 minutes later.."

not a fan of VD

and for more VD fun, make your own conversation hearts!

is it happy hour yet?

my day. up down up down.

8am conference call with boss to explain why my clients aren't sending in samples. "because there is 2' of snow on the ground" not a good enough answer. ugh.

received email from client who i've been trying to meet with. meeting set for friday. whoo hoo!

drive to 11:30 meeting. hit every red light. see a parking spot and have someone steel it right as i'm turning around. finally find other parking spot. freeze while walking to meeting. brrr.

talk to potential client at meeting and get formal meeting set up for when i return. yay!

freeze while walking back to car. find $30 ticket on car. ticket is for not having a front license plate. didn't know that was a law in colorado. fuck.

think i'm going to be late for meeting with client, but am on time. hurrah!

call fed ex at 4:10 to have them pick up sample from my house. am told that my cut off time has changed from 4:30 to 4pm. have to drive samples to fed ex location. grrrrr..

discover dog ate tv remote and left it in backyard. sigh.

not a scary political map

rather, all the states i've been to, not counting ones where i was only in the airport. i love that i've been able to avoid arkansas. and kentucky. but i wouldn't mind a trip up to the northeast.



create your own visited states map

and now, for the countries. this need some work.



create your own visited countries map

come on, be a man!

why can't i meet a man that can plan a date?

typical exchange i've had lately. with guys that i've only been out with once or twice.

man: so, do you want to hang out this week?

me: sure. when?

man: umm.. well when are you free?

me: i'm free friday.

man: well, that doesn't work for me - are you free wednesday?

me: um, i guess so. what do you have in mind?

man: not sure. any ideas?

me: well, we could do dinner or go to a show or something. why don't you decide and pick me up at 7.

man: well i don't know if i really want to go out.. maybe we could watch a movie at your place?*

ok. so you want to have a date with me. but you don't actually want to GO anywhere. you want to hang out at my place, which means that not only is that night like every other night i've stayed home, but this time i have to actually clean and make sure my fridge is stocked.

this is how i would prefer our exchange go:

man: are you free friday? i'd love to take you out.

me: sure, that sounds great!

man: cool, i'll pick you up at 7.

me: perfect, i'll see you then!

i feel like i'm being cheated out of the first few months of a relationship. where you're trying to impress each other still - dressing up for each other, going to cool places, doing fun things. the butterflies in your stomach when you're getting ready. the anticipation of kissing them at the end of the night. getting to KNOW them.

i meet a guy for drinks, and suddenly his toothbrush is in my bathroom and we're "hanging out" at my place every night. it's from zero to boyfriend in 2 dates. i am SO not ready for that.

you want to date me? then you've got to put in the effort.

trust me, you'll get something good in return.

*which we all know is code for, "i just want to wear sloppy clothes, not spend money, and fool around"

unlucky undies

i have a matching set of undies, which i'm ashamed to admit is the only truly matching set that i own. they're frilly. and pink. which i guess is somewhat out of character for me.

they're also, apparently, cursed.

the last few times they've been worn, especially if that night should be a SURE THING, i end up being the only one that knows they exist.

i think i'm going back to the mismatched undies - and i won't shave my legs for good measure - because all girls know THAT'S the time you get lucky.

puppy for sale

burton will be one year old on saturday. 7 in dog years. and it's showing. he's testing his boundaries.

in the past 2 weeks, i have cleaned up FEATHERS from my house no fewer than THREE times. first it was a little pillow in my office when i was away all day.. then it was a larger pillow when i was in the shower.. and today is was my freaking DOWN COMFORTER while i was WORKING in my office!

there are down feathers all over my house. and the dog. he looks like the proverbial fox in the hen house.

the boy code

contrary to the popular belief of my guy friends, i am in fact, a girl. so when they let me in on something juicy that involves someone that is not my favorite person in the world cheating on their girlfriend, they shouldn't be surprised if it accidentally comes out to said girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking.

when alcohol is involved, the girl code is so much stronger. and this girl deserved to know the truth.

i am sure i've been banned from future guy secrets, but that's ok - then i don't have to worry about keeping them.