i was caught off guard

so things with me and j have been getting pretty serious, pretty fast.

i've always figured that when i meet the right person, i'll just know. i've dated so much and have collected enough life experience to decide pretty quickly what will work and what won't. j seems to subscribe to the same school of thought. which is why it doesn't seem weird to me (although sometimes i think it should) that after nearly a month of dating we are already talking about the future.. marriage, kids, houses, finances. and we both are on the same page with all the major issues.

of course, it's all still talked about in speculation - if's and might's and maybe's. to minimize the thoughts of "whoa, are we going too fast here?" that might creep up.

yesterday we were at home depot, looking for parts for the peephole that j has insisted he wants to put in my door (to keep me safe). we're walking down the nuts & bolts aisle hand in hand when suddenly he stops, looks at me, and says "i love you.".

i was so caught off guard that i didn't know what to do. i smiled and kissed him and squeezed his hand, but remained silent. the whole time i'm just thinking whooooa and how i have no idea how to respond. 5 years ago i would have immediately said "i love you too!", not caring whether i really meant it or not.. or maybe more importantly, not actually knowing if i meant it or not. when you're younger it's something that is a little easier to throw around.

while i'm thinking about what to say, he says it again.

"i mean it, i love you"

i gave him a huge hug and told him that i could feel the same way but that it was too soon for me to actually verbalize it. and he took it well - and said he understood and no pressure and take all the time i need.. and know that he loved me and that it wasn't a term he threw around loosely either.

i'm thrilled that i may have stumbled upon the right guy for me and i'm trying not to be too cautious or jaded or scared or skeptical. and just let it happen.

sometimes it's hard to accept the reality that things may be happening the way you always thought they would.

i've been in limbo for awhile, anticipating the next step. will i be brave enough to take it?