gag

there is not a worse smell in the world than that of a self cleaning oven.

i have been putting off cleaning it for so long, but when i pre-heated it for the turkey yesterday and the kitchen filled with smoke from the burning food scraps, i realized that it had to be done.

i am cursing myself for being too lazy to line the oven with tinfoil when it was BRAND NEW.

hopefully it will finish before the fumes asphyxiate me.

my dating style

so i was talking with my friend the other day about how i always seem to get myself into fairly serious relationships with guys who are generally pretty great, but for whatever reason lack the desire to get married. they're good with commitment, just not that actual act of marriage. she told me it was probably because i tend to date pretty non-conservative guys. i thought about that and ended up agreeing with her. and then i thought about it some more..

i think the liberal-ness is only part of the equation. there are plenty of liberal guys out there that are interested in the family life. so i started thinking, what else could it be?

and then it hit me.

i ALWAYS act like the guy in the relationship. i am the pursuer. i make the first move in most situations. i feel awkward when they try to be romantic. i pick the wine with dinner. hell, i even try to lead when we dance. i don't play games and am impatient and lose interest when someone plays them with me.

i've initiated almost every relationship i've had. and the guys i'm naturally drawn to are usually non-aggressive, laid back, not in a hurry to get anywhere types. i take care of them. i make more money than them. i am more responsible. i have more outside interests and friends. and i'm a pretty damn good girlfriend.

so i shouldn't be surprised that these guys are happy just the way things are. why should they put time and effort and money into marrying me when they're getting everything they need right now?

this used to really bother me. a lot. but now that i'm going through my quarterlife crisis, i'm not even sure that i want to be married. is it because si and i have been together for 5 years and i'm naturally freaking out? or is it because i never really wanted to get married and subconsciously chose to date people that i knew wouldn't want to either? the thought of being with one person for the rest of my life is daunting. and right now i can't tell if it's scarier to me than being alone.

oh for the love of god

we need to get back to survival of the fittest before we wipe out humanity..

"deferred success" a new term for failure

i think i'm kind of intense

and i don't think that's necessarily a bad thing... i like to think of it as just being open and honest and not playing games, but i wonder sometimes if it freaks people out. not that i would change, just a kind of self-realization that i've had lately.

and also, how is it possible for me to be so comfortable with people that are essentially strangers, yet so uncomfortable with some people that have known me a long time.

maybe i'm just not comfortable with my true self. or maybe i just need to meet more people like me.

being back in school doesn't make me 22 again

because when one is 27 and has worked 45 hours at her Professional Career during the week, and has 2 exams and a final project to complete over the weekend, she should perhaps stay home on friday night and get a good nights rest. and maybe not go to a friends apartment to drink a quarter bottle of coconut rum mixed with hawaiian punch, "because it's free", before going to the bar and drinking 2 1/2 double-tall jack and diet cokes.

and if she is going to bring her brand new camera to the bar, she should make sure that it's in picture mode instead of movie mode before she takes 10 "pictures" that end up being 3 second movie files with a very drunk voice in the background saying in every clip "why isn't it working?!"

and she should not give her camera to her guy friends when she is very drunk at the bar and wearing a low cut shirt, because she will inevitabley end up with 15 pictures of her boobs.

random gym sightings

so i've been going to my gym regularily enough now to know when things seem a bit off. and yesterday was one of those days.

i first noticed it when i got on the elliptical trainer and looked up to the tvs expecting to see the usual array of news programs and espn. instead, there was an evangecial preaching program and a very static-y qvc. why no one had them changed back, i don't know.

then i started people watching and noticed a lady about 40 years old on the bike. not a big deal except she was listening to a cassette tape walkman. very rare to see someone lug one of those around in the age of cheap mp3 players. i was dying to know what she was listening to. thriller perhaps? flock of seagulls? neil diamond? i tried to get a better look when she pulled another tape out of her equally retro fanny pack, but my eyesight wasn't sharp enough.

looking around some more, i spotted another women, probably about 25. walking on the treadmill and wearing a calf length pink skirt, a regular gym t-shirt, and i kid you not, a purple swim cap. not sure what the reasoning behind that was. i don't think she just came out of the pool. maybe it was laundry day and she had horrible bed head.

then everything returned to normal in the locker room. let me tell you about naked granny* in all her wrinkly, saggy glory. naked granny insists on walking to and from the shower without a towel. after the shower, she then sits (bare-assed) on the bench and spends a good 30 minutes air drying and putting on lotion until she finally struggles into her support hose and orthopedic shoes. don't get me wrong, it's awesome that naked granny is even at the gym, and i know that people are usually naked in locker rooms. but really, does it HAVE to be so gratutious? i guess naked granny has just been around long enough to not give a fuck, so i should probably give her kudos instead.

i just wish she'd use a towel.

*oh boy, i should get some interesting referral links from this post!