creepy craigslist personal ads

just a few i came across today.. are these people for real??

these are from the M4W section in denver.

Have You Ever Been To An XXX Theater? - 51
This has been a fantasy of mine and I think it would be pleasant to meet a lady who was comfortable enough with the subject to actually look at this as an enjoyable experience. Sorry is that offends you but I think one should do everything in life that intrigues us.What do you think?
I've been told that I am handsome, distinguished, communicative and sometimes erotic. Let's do this if you are the woman who is going to go with me.

eew. on a FIRST date? hmm.. wants to go to an XXX movie theater (do those even still exist?) yet is only "sometimes" erotic.


420-Booze-Food-Nice Place, all I need is you - 35
Let' meet at my place
Sex will be optional and up to you
I am a nice white guy
Divorced, no kids, sexy

apparently all i need are no standards.

Personal Priorities
I need 1 woman to love.

well, i guess he could be asking for 2 women.

WTG? - 43
This cant be that hard. Iam looking to meet outgoing, headstrong women that dont have ex-issues. Will send pic for pic. I could write a book on what i like in women, but just no time to be online.

WTF is WTG? guess who he just broke up with. a shy, passive woman with "ex-issues".

Married and lonely for the holidays - m4w - 40
I AM A MARRIED BLACK MALE with children. My marriege has been over for a long time. Why do I stay? because I have kids that I can not leave and financial reasons. Therefore I am looking for a women that can relate and may be in the same situation. I want to be with someone that needs intimacy, and a great listner. Also note, I give great hugs and massages. I consider my self a helpless romantic. I love to travel, eat good food, and drink Red Wine. Also note, I am not looking for a one night encounter. However I do LOVE TO EAT PUSSY so if you want to get licked right get with me. PLEASE NOTE I AM NOT DESPERATE I DON'T WANT TO JOIN SOMEONE'S CHAT LINE OR A DATING SITE SO PLEASE DON'T EMAIL THOSE LINKS. NO GAMES PLEASE.

"may be" his "marriege" has been over because his wife disagrees that he "licks right".  please note that he is not desperate.

man seeking much older women - 29
im 29 6ft 200lbs. very attractive(really), nice body. Im not a freak. Just a normal sensitive, funny, laidback guy. I really want to please a older women between 50-70. Ill lick you, rub you, ad have sex with you. Just a one or three time thing. Nothing serious, just fun. Come on I know women still want it at that age. Dont be shy drop me a line. Maybe we can have a nooner today!

oh no, you're not a freak (really).

and this is why i no longer look for dates on craigslist.

i always have the best intentions

i'm trying to get a kick start on my new years resolutions, which include going to the gym 5 days a week. i used to do it and loved it. i thought once i started working from home, it would be easier to go to the gym because i could, you know, go any time i wanted.

today i had a dentist appointment at 9 am. the dentist is really close to my gym. so last night i had the plan of getting up early and going to the gym before the dentist. i ended up waking up late, so that didn't happen.

and here is how the rest of my thought pattern went:

ok, i'll go to the gym after the dentist. but i can't wear my gym clothes to the dentist.. it's in cherry creek. they'll think i'm a slob. maybe i can take my clothes with me and change into them there. but i don't know where my gym bag is and i don't have any other cute bags to tote them in. plus i can't remember the combination to my lock. crap. if i go after the dentist i won't be home all morning. it will take from 9-10 at the dentist, then i won't probably be ready to work out until 10:30. an hour workout and it's 11:30 already. and i'll probably want to stop at target since it's right next door. but what is my clients call this morning and i'm not available?

and then the skinny bitch voice inside of me (who i've been trying to make appear more often) said "GET YOUR FAT ASS TO THE GYM AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES!".

so i packed my gym clothes in my messenger bag and set off to the dentist with the full intent of working out afterwards.

when i was checking out at the dentist, i got a call from my best friend that lives in california. we've known each other since we were 5. she said "hey... what are you doing today?" and told me that she was stuck at DIA for the day. she was supposed to have a 30 minute layover, but her flight out was cancelled and she's in denver until tomorrow morning. so of course i skipped the gym to go pick her up from the airport.

so i always seem to start out with the best intentions and then life happens.

tomorrow, i WILL make it to the gym!

it's big, but not THAT big

so this chilly sunday night, i'm sitting in my big comfy chair catching up on my blog reading, with a bowl of hamburger helper (lasagna flavor*), watching really bad celebrity tv on VH1.

i had a better night planned, i swear. movie night. 2nd date with the boy, who shall now be named 24phd** who didn't even flinch when we ran into my ex friday night. movie night was his idea, even. and i don't think it's because he's lazy. but this afternoon i received a text from 24phd saying that his boss needs him to work on a grant that is due tomorrow and he's so sorry but he has to go to the lab and can't do movie night.

no biggie. at least i didn't have to clean the house. and we've rescheduled for tomorrow.

at any rate, there is about a foot of space between me and the edge of my big comfy chair. a foot of space that my 85 pound malamute has deluded himself into thinking he can fit into. every time i'm in the chair. i get the paw first.. and the look like "hi mom, whatcha doing? what? i'm just standing here!". then the second paw.. and the third and fourth. so he's standing in the foot of space facing the back of the chair. but he can't just lay down in that position. no, burton likes to be facing the tv, of course. so he turns, sticking his big ass right in my face and tries to lay down sideways, as in across my lap. this doesn't work so well when i also have a computer in my lap (and his ass has automatically sent a few emails before they were ready and shut down a few programs unsaved). so i push him over and he gives me an exasperated sigh and a look that says "will you please move so that i will be more comfortable?" and then kicks me trying to get his legs to fit in the space.

this has become an hourly ritual. because after about 15 minutes, he decides he needs a drink of water or has to go pee or needs to take a toy away from kitsu. then he comes back to resume the position. sometimes kitsu will feel left out and want to join the party too. she usually jumps up and sits on burtons head. i want to get a picture, but once they're in the chair, i'm pretty stuck.

it's nice in the winter though - at least the side of my legs stays warm.

and if you want to see a really cute video of a puppy that could be burton's twin, go here.

*made with almond milk because i'm trying to cut down on my dairy intake after reading "skinny bitch".
**who is of course, 24 yrs old (i like me some young ones!) AND 2 years away from a phd in a ridiculously difficult medical research field.

run in with the ex

so i'm out on a date last night at the rio, a mexican place with margs so strong that you're only allowed to order 3 of them. total.

this is a first date - someone i met online, of course, and things are going well. we're standing at the bar, and out of the corner of my eye, i see a side profile that looks VERY familiar. it took me a minute and then i realized it was my ex. yeah, the one i was accidently married to.

i didn't know if he had seen me. i hadn't seen him since last december. i had barely talked to him since last december. the last thing i wanted to do was have to make small talk with my date standing right there.

i quickly grab our coats and my purse and whisper "let's go upstairs, quickly, i'll explain in a minute". turning my back so that the ex doesn't see my face.

we get upstairs. i apologize for being about to commit the biggest faux pas one can do on a first date. "you aren't going to believe this. that guy standing next to you at the bar was my ex boyfriend. i haven't talked to him since december. we were married, technically. so i guess he's actually my ex husband. i am so embarrassed"

my date was so cool about it. score a point for him!

while we were chatting upstairs, my ex came upstairs and looked like he was looking for someone. did he see me? he HAD to have seen me. why wasn't he coming to talk to me if he'd seen me?

on my way out, we made eye contact. i acted surpried. "oh my god, i THOUGHT that was you! how have you been?!?". he introduced me to his new friends. i asked about the family. chatted for a couple minutes. gave him a hug and left.

my date was completely unfazed. we danced the rest of the night at another bar and had a wonderful time.

maybe i'll go out with this one again.

tag i'm it again

i was just tagged by one of my good friends and sorority sister, stacey.

If you have been tagged, please follow these rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

so here goes.

1. when i was 4, i pulled the fire alarm in preschool "just to see what happened". the firetrucks came and we all had to line up. i didn't tell my parents, but that night was parent-teacher conference night and the teacher asked them if i had told them what i did at school that day..

2. the tv i watch sometimes can be embarrassing. full house and sabrina the teenage witch reruns. mary kate and ashley movies. even some of the sitcoms on "teen nick". and then i am wistful about being a teenager and wish i was back at that point where life was so simple. then i snap out of it when i remember what high school was REALLY like.

3. i couldn't roll my r's if my life depended on it.

4. i only wash my hair every 2-3 days. it looks better that way. when i let it air dry, it's naturally wavy and now that it's long, i've realized how sexy that is. buh-bye flat iron, i'm going au natural!

5. i sing to my dogs and dance with them.

the following people are tagged:

aarwenn
erin
shannon

i would have had 5, but stacey already tagged me and laurel. i think i need more readers!

fired

i had never been fired before in my life, until today.

last night i got cut from my shift because i had a "bad attitude". i don't disagree with them, but i talked to the manager about the reasons behind my attitude (we were overstaffed and everyone was bored and not making any money. plus i felt that 2 people were being snappy with me and treating me unfairly - one of those being his wife). i told him that i was stressed with school at the moment and i would change my attitude and hang in there until we got busy again. problem solved, so i thought.

then i get a phone call today saying that he talked it over with his wife and they think it's best to terminate our relationship. WTF? i can't have ONE bad day? ONE bad day which i apologized for? it seems like they were looking for a reason to get rid of me and i'm not sure why. i have never had any other complaints and am one of the best servers they have. the only thing i can think of is that i don't quite fit in with the other staff (all 20 yr old college students that are stoned on the job half the time and like to goof around a lot). i also wasn't afraid to speak my mind when i didn't think things were going well and i don't think they liked that.

i am a little shocked but i'm trying to stay positive and hope it is for the better.

don't sit in my section

while doing some research for my final project this semester, i came across this disturbing, albeit entertaining blog entry. be sure to read the comments and her replies.

crazy restaurant customer

talk about having some control issues.

lady, here's the thing. you're expecting 5 star service from a 2 star restaurant. you think that just because most people like something, doesn't mean the server should assume YOU like it, and that the server is wasting their time and being inefficient. i think it's more inefficient to not make assumptions about the 99% of customers that would like a refill of the same drink they've been drinking.

and seriously, WHO orders 4 sides of ranch? if you were rude to me for not bringing you enough, i would probably bring out a soup bowl full and sweetly say "is this enough ranch for you ma'am?" so that you would at least look stupid in front of the other customers.

you also state that you don't care about the servers name or the specials. if you so obviously don't care about the server and the restaurant, then why should the server care about you? studies have shown that introducing yourself to the table and telling customers about the specials actually increases the tip percentage.

if i did everything you suggested, i would risk pissing off 99% of my other customers.

if you're so picky about everything, maybe you should stay home and cook your own goddamned food.