food fight

i've heard somewhere that the top three things couples argue about are money, sex, and work.  what is the main thing that j and i seem to argue about?

FOOD.

some back story.  j has always been a very picky eater.  he hates vegetables.  his sister hates vegetables.  his dad hates vegetables.  and even though his mom likes vegetables, she never made the rest of them eat any.

when i met him, the only things he ate were:
pizza. spaghetti. ham & cheese sandwiches (white bread and american cheese of course). burritos. hamburgers. hotdogs.

i am not kidding - that is ALL he ate.  of course, him and his family are blessed with good genes and they are all crazy tall, a healthy weight, and appear healthy.  so because he looked fine, he didn't think there was anything wrong with his diet.


when we moved in together, a typical night would go like this:  i would make a balanced meal for dinner.  he would take one look, wrinkle his nose, and cook a burger on the grill.  or eat a frozen pizza.  because his schedule was so weird, he was only home 3 nights a week, so it wasn't a huge problem for me, although it was very annoying.

recently, he has been home every night and i have taken on the responsibility of making dinner.  i was pretty lazy for awhile and we had a lot of pizza, which resulted in me gaining 20 pounds.  i realized that i couldn't keep going like that and i needed to start eating healthy again.  then we went on the 17 day diet, and although he hated it, jared was able to eat the vegetables.  he kept commenting about how great he felt and how he wants to incorporate healthy eating into our lives.  i was thrilled!

well, the strict part of the 17 day diet is over and j has completely reverted back to his old eating habits!! sausage and pepperoni pizza with ranch dressing.  spaghetti with plain meat sauce.  he has made a *few* changes - wheat bread, eating more yogurt, cut back on coffee - but the veggies have basically vanished from his diet.

last night we got into a fight because i made lasagna for dinner.  i used ground turkey and whole wheat noodles, which he was ok with.  but then i also chopped up some zucchini,  mushrooms, and red peppers to put into the sauce.  you would have thought i was trying to poison him by the reaction i got. 

he can't understand why i would "ruin a perfectly good dish by adding vegetables", and i can't understand why he wouldn't want the veggies to be "hidden" in the meal, since they add more flavor and texture to the dish. 

i can't get through to him that we need to add as many veggies to things as possible, in order to get more fiber and nutrients.  I would rather have them in my main dishes instead of having to eat 5 bowls of salad a day. 

it seems like if i want to compromise i have to either
a) let him make his own dinner - which he doesn't have time to do because of his school/work schedule and which will result in him having pizza or fast food every night
b) make him something different - which i just refuse to do on principal
c) make what he likes and try to eat more salad

none of these seem like a viable option to me.  is it wrong to think that if you are the one making the meals for the family, then the other person should be happy you're cooking and eat what they're served?  or do i just not understand what it's like to be a picky eater?

i'm so sick of this being a battle every night.  it's making me feel like he's a child, which is NOT good for the marriage. 

how does mealtime work in your house?

back to class!

tonight is j's first night back in class after the christmas break.   i'm excited and guilty about being excited at the same time.

it's not that i like him being gone every evening, i just really like having my alone time, which i have been getting less and less of since j quit his job.  now that we're both home all day (and all night when he doesn't have class), it's a little much.  i think some apart time is good for the marriage.  i need a chance to miss him.

right now he's at a job interview. finally.  this is a little sore spot for me as well because he quit his job in september, was supposed to take ONE month off and then start looking for something part time while he was in school.  that one month turned into four months.  FOUR MONTHS of one income = super stressful.  as most of you know, i do not handle having an unemployed partner well - mostly because my ex was on and off of work for years.  it scares me.   j isn't  lazy or entitled like my ex, but it still worries me that this will become a pattern.

j is a hard worker, but he is also a procrastinator.  which means that i have to nag encourage him to search for a job.  which only makes me irritated, especially when i'm also nagging encouraging him to finish up the projects around the house. 

i just hate feeling like i have to do everything - make the money, pay the bills, manage the household, plan our social life.. and be the taskmaster for everything.  it gets tiring.  i know that he will help me if i ask him to, but sometimes that creates even more work because i have to figure out what i can have him do and then ask him to do it.  it is so much nicer when he realizes something needs to be done and just does it.* and no women ever wants to feel like she's an encourager nag. 

i know this isn't something unique to our marriage.   how do the rest of you balance the work load?


*like when he makes the bed, does the dishes, cleans the litter box, takes out the trash, all of which he is getting good at doing without asking, but there was still a time when i HAD to ask...

omg i suck

it's been a YEAR since my last post?  sorry... this year has been so full of changes and revelations and stress that i think the thought of writing about it (after discussing it with pretty much anyone who would listen) just seemed overwhelming.  but now i realize that instead of talking to *some* people about things, i really should just be writing them down so that i can get it out without subjecting people to listening to my issues.  at least i know that you can just skim the post or skip it if you're not interested!

so.. what has been going on that is so overwhelming, you ask?  where do i begin..?   wedding.  houses.  jobs.  family drama.  friend drama. money.  self esteem. 

wedding.

j and i were married on 5/14/10!   the wedding overall was good (at least people told me they had a good time), although of course it didn't go quite the way i planned.   i'm sure i'll go into more details later - but here's a quick summary.   it snowed and had to be moved inside.  some people created a lot of drama over silly things and it stressed me out.  there were family issues (apparently not attending my wedding is a way to get back at my mom for something she didn't even do).  i didn't feel comfortable in my dress.  BUT, when it was all said and done, i married the love of my life and that's all that matters.  

houses. 

at this time last year, we had 3 houses and one of them was vacant. the vacant one was also trashed and there was no way we could rent it out in it's current condition.  our only solution was to sell the house we were living in.  my first house.  the house i loved and still have a strong attachment to.  we put it on the market in october and after 7 months, 80+ showings, and an offer that fell through, we finally found a buyer.  the day after we returned from our honeymoon (barbados!), we closed and the cutest couple ever took possession of our house.  i was so happy that they were my buyers because they are exactly the type of people i wanted living in my house.   we then moved into the quitman house, which is the one we rent to college kids (it was vacant for the summer) and started fixing up the fenton house (the one that was trashed).   lost yet?  it was insane.  we lived in 3 houses within a 3 month time span.  i don't recommend it. 

so... long story short, we spent all the money we made on the house we sold to put in new windows, appliances, floors, doors, trim, fixtures, etc into the fenton house.  which is now our home.  which i am trying to make the best of even though i would never ever have chosen to live in this house.  it is such a big stress of our lives and one that virtually none of our friends can understand.  right now everything in the house is functional, but not finished.  and it drives me BATTY!  

jobs. 

my job is actually going fantastically.  after not making my goal last year and losing out on a bunch of $$, i am ahead of my goal this year.  which is extremely helpful because j quit his job in september to go back to school.  it a decision that both of us are on board with and one that had to be made.  he's getting his BS in construction management, so i know that it will be very beneficial to our future.  it's just another financial stressor that we have to deal with in order to set us up for success.  being the main breadwinner though... that's a lot of pressure. 

drama.

i don't really want to get into the friend or family drama on this blog because i don't want to add fuel to the fire should these people read this.  let's just say that i am focusing on surrounding myself with individuals that act as positive forces in my life and am disassociating with those who i think are bringing negative energy into my life.   

money. 

one income. too much debt.  2 mortgages. it all piles up and we're having to make some serious choices.  we are cutting back the extras like crazy and it's really hard on my ego to have to admit that even though i make decent money and have an engineering degree and my MBA, i still am not on par financially with my peers due to choices i made, some which were beyond my control. hopefully my frugal forays will be entertaining and useful to you all when i blog about them later. 

and lastly...self esteem. 

i have always struggled with my weight.. but even though i've always been a little chubby, i've been comfortable enough in my skin to not let it be too much of an issue.  that has changed.  i have gained so much weight since the wedding that not only do my clothes not fit, but i don't even recognize myself anymore in pictures.  it's bad.  i don't feel like i went crazy with the fast food or anything (because that's really not my style).. it's just the little things that ad up.  having to eat out because we don't have a kitchen in the house we're fixing up.  not exercising because i have to tile a floor.  being stressed in general.  the past 2 months we've been eating really healthy and i've been getting back into an exercise routine, but the scale hasn't budged. it hasn't gone *up* anymore, which is a good thing, but it hasn't gone down either.  my normal habits at the gym just won't cut it anymore.  the motivation is *almost* there and this will be something that i will try to blog about more so it keeps me accountable. 

so there you go. my 2010 summary.  

my goal for the rest of 2010 is to post at LEAST every other day in december so that i can get back into blogging.  it's good for me.